Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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