1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Where did you get a picture of my penis
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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