I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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