She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
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Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
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Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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