I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
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You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
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Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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