I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
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Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
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You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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