Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize