Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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