my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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