Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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