so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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