if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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