i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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