Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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