I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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