trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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