DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
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And the cops told us we were all naked.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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