how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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