Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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