whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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