I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
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Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
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at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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