The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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