Im at strip club and am horny
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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