apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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