Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I just burned my penis
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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