Midget sex pt 2 tonight
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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