Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
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I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
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They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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