his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
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you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
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I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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