oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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