She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
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In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
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Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize