8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
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I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
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We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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