She went from zero to smokin in five shots
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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