well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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