After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
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I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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