I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize