I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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