My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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