Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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