I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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