Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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