he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
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Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
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Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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