i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
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Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
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when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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