I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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