So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
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I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
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You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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