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someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
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