I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
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He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize