Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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