She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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