btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
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