i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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